Is this a good college application essay (a little long, but I'll give you ten points for a good answer :))?

HEY! my mom is on the college admissions bored at USC and since i myself need to start writing and essay myself for college she always brings home essays for me to read. this one is by far one of the best ones ive ever read, and ive read a lot about peoples "inspirations" and "role models" etc etc... this one was truly unique couldnt find any corrections.